over my shoulder

As I looked over my shoulder
To all I thought I’d lost.
I cried as I grieved
For what my MS had cost.

I missed my old body
And what I used to do.
How I made plans freely,
And met my friends at noon.

When I didn’t worry how I’d feel
As I began each day.
When I didn’t continually struggle
To find the words to say.

I kept looking over that shoulder,
Crying for what I missed.
I would go through my mind
Making a mental list.

Then a funny thing happened
I realized something true.
While I was looking over my shoulder
I almost missed something new.

I had learned to count my blessings
To really budget my time.
I had learned to value what’s important
And appreciate what’s mine.

I found out who my friends were,
I knew who’d be there through my pain.
I learned to be spontaneous,
And saw what I had gained.

I made new friendships
I put my health first.
I spent more time with my children
And hugged them til they burst.

I valued the time with my friends
And I learned when to say “no”.
For my time was much more valuable
I could choose when to stay or go.

I loved with all my heart
And gave a part of me away;
But only to the ones deserving
Of the best I had to give each day.

The saddest part of this story
Is what I stood to lose.
I forgot what I had in front of me
That I had the right to choose.

While I was looking over my shoulder
To all I thought I’d lost.
I almost missed what I still had
And what my regret would cost.

I stopped looking over my shoulder
I appreciate what’s new.
I have a new life now
And MS is included too.

But now I live each day
Finding my smile in my heart
I laugh, I love, I live my life
Cuz MS is just one part.

~Tammy Malkowski (1/21/2011