m.s. story

MS Story (A Poem)

One Night, before bed
There was double-vision in my eye.
It was a little blurry,
But just enough to ask, why?

When I woke the next day,
The blurriness was gone.
I felt my concerns
Were basically wrong.

Then a few weeks later,
I lost my grip.
I dropped my glass
And started to trip.

I thought, “How clumsy of me,
To drop that glass,
To lose my balance
And land on my ass.”

But I shrugged it off
As if I had a bad day.
Pushed it from my mind
And went on my way.

Then one morning,
My legs felt weak.
My hands had tingles
And I stuttered to speak.

That’s when all the weeks
Of excuses came rushing back.
Each moment crystal clear,
As if I had kept track.


Something was wrong.
I knew it in my heart.
That this meant something,
It all played a part.

I was weak and I stumbled,
Exhausted and confused.
My body was trying to tell me,
Inside it was being abused.

Alarm, fear & panic,
Lead to the hospital’s ER.
Which lead to a neuro,
Where the tests would start.

Words & possibilities
All thrown about,
Like Lyme disease & Lupus
So many seeds of doubt.

In the end came the news,
Multiple Sclerosis is the name.
From now on my life
Will never be the same.

I buried myself in books
And internet links.
Different vitamins & shots,
New pills & veins with kinks.

I was overwhelmed with info,
Not sure where to turn.
Friends & family staying close,
But there was so much to learn.

Inside my head was swimming.
What does this all mean?
How much will my life change?
Is it as bad as it seems?

I made tough decisions
And chose my own way.
Some friends disagreed
And wanted to have their say.

Some friends stopped calling,
They weren’t on my side.
MS was too scary for them.
It was easier to hide.

But I cannot hide,
MS is always there.
I have to face it,
No matter how scared.

Each day I wake up,
MS is still there.
Physically & mentally,
Life seems so unfair.

I cried & I mourned
For my life & past dreams.
I found my future changing
So much I wanted to scream.

Then one day I woke up,
And decided I needed to change.
To find a better attitude
In my new body so strange.

I found a way to face it.
To live my life with less regret,
To get a better perspective,
My life is not over yet.

I dreamed of a new future.
Found a way for my heart to mend.
Started living my life on my terms,
Because this is not the end.

~Tammy Malkowski 3/12/2011